From "Laughter Never Gets Old"...

You know you're getting older when...

The exits on the highway note "Memory Lane - Next Left" and
"Senior Moment - Next Right".

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

It feels like the morning after, but you didn't go anywhere last night.

Your little black book contains only names ending in MD.

Your children look middle aged.

You finally reach the top of the ladder, and realize it's leaning
against the wrong wall.

Your mind makes contracts that your body can't meet.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You light the candle on your birthday cake, and the first one has
already burned out.

Almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

A dripping faucet triggers an uncontrollable bladder urge.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today".

You turn out the lights for economic reasons, rather than romantic
ones.

You sit in a rocking chair, but can't get it going.

Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

Your back goes out often more than you do.

You regret all those mistakes you made by resisting temptations.

You're 17 inches around the neck, 42 inches around the waist, and
96 around the golf course.

Your fortune teller offers to read your face.

Every time you see a pretty girl pass by your window, your pacemaker
opens the garage door.

The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your
wife.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You have too much room in the house, but not enough room in the
medicine cabinet.

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who
exercise.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (316:36/20)