Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make
the in-flight safety lecture and their other announcements
a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that
have been heard and/or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fellas. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms
in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced:
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because,
after a landing like that, sure as **** everything has shifted."

"Weather at our destinations is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.
Thank you and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please take them with our
compliments."

Once on a southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our
cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign.
I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and
visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose
before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt
Lake City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and
said: "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking.
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, and it wasn't
the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault. It was
the asphalt!"

Another flight attendants comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant
came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your
seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft
to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has
cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and
you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,
the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think
of us here a US Airways."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (316:36/20)